i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
