dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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