I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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