You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
