Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
