apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
