my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
