Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
