Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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