to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
