he shaved USA in his pubs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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