dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
