Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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