What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
