Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
