I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
