the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
