GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
