Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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