She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
