Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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