We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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