So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
