Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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