Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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