I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
