I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
