so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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