Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
