Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ok first of all what the fuck
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
