38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
