great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
