she was so not down for the gang bang
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
