Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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