Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
