Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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