im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
