It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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