Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
