i think my tv is drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
