Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
