we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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