Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
