and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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