dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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