I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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