No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
