i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
