I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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