These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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