You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
