What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
