Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
