How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
