News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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