thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
